Comfort IN, Dump OUT… How not to say the wrong thing? What is The Ring Theory – and what is its best application? How to unpack this technique? Upon receiving a diagnosis of dementia, one’s social contacts can change abruptly, and sometimes end.  Old friends and associates stop coming because they don’t know what to say. Our design team has created the image displayed (above) in this post – due to its potential to help those involved in dementia care, and its importance in human relations in general.

A Technique for All Kinds of Crises

The Ring Theory is very simple – and applicable to countless situations – not just dementia. I first saw it on Facebook when I had just returned to Chicago from “the ranch.” Initially published April 7, 2013 in the Los Angeles Times, it had been posted on FB by one of Mother’s wonderful Literary Companions who also served on her pastoral team at church.

Susan Silk is the clinical psychologist who developed this technique following her experience of being a surgical patient.  Susan states that its application can be made to “all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential.”

A Best Practice:  “Comfort In” and “Dump Out”

It’s a simple concept, but a best practice for mindful presence. As Susan states: “Listening is often more helpful than talking.”

So how does it work? In the center of the image (above), place the name of the recipient who is at the heart of your caregiving team. Then find the circle where you belong in relationship to that person.

In short, if you are speaking with someone close to the center of the crisis, the goal is to provide comfort and support. Conversely, complain only to someone in a larger circle. As Susan states: “Avoid dumping into any ring smaller than your own.”

Then – to learn more about “How Not to Say the Wrong Thing,” click here to read “the rules,” as defined by the psychologist who originated the technique,  “Comfort In” – and “Dump Out.” (April 7, 2013 – Los Angeles Times).

 

Author: Susan Troyer