“A friend sings with me when my memory fails.” (Unknown author)

Why this helps:

For someone living with dementia, family connections can feel distant and abstract. A regular ritual of acknowledging birthdays—through song, a phone call, or simply speaking their name—anchors your loved one to their identity as a beloved family member. It pierces through confusion with the simple, powerful message: “You belong. You are part of a family that remembers and celebrates you.”

How to do it: Following Mother's diagnosis of Alzheimer's, we remembered family and friends by singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to them via our speaker phone and the pictured devices.

  • Keep a simple calendar near your piano or kitchen table with every family member’s birthday marked.
  • Once a week, check together: “Let’s see who we get to celebrate this week!”
  • Call to sing “Happy Birthday” on speakerphone, or if a call isn’t possible, sing it at home to their photograph.

Pro tip:

Make this a cherished ritual. At the start of each songfest, check the calendar first. The anticipation of celebrating someone becomes part of the joy.

Comfort note:

Your loved one may not remember who the person is, and that’s okay. The warmth in your voice and the act of singing together creates its own kind of knowing—a felt sense of family that bypasses the need for facts.

Editor’s note:  I believe, however, that Miss Ethel knew exactly whose birthday it was for whom we were singing each and every time. We did what we could at the ranch to keep memories alive via photos and conversations about each person.

Floral "Novelty Journaling" cover included in series of posts on 365 Ways to Say I CareNovelty Journaling:

Whose birthday did we celebrate today? Did I see a flicker of recognition, a smile, or simply peaceful enjoyment of the music and the delivery of our rendition together? Mission accomplished – after reading it aloud together from the Novelty Journal – tomorrow!

A simple process – it went like this: We kept a calendar at the piano with every family member’s name on it. Before each songfest, Mother and I would check to “see if we have any birthdays today!” Even when she may not have placed the name, she beamed as we sang. The joy was in the singing – and often, in the remembering as well!

Caregiver note:

This ritual does something profound for you, too. In the isolation of caregiving, it keeps your family network alive and present. You’re not just caring alone—you’re part of a tribe, and this simple act reminds you of that every single week.

 

Learn more about NOVELTY JOURNALING:

365 Ways to Say I Care
The NOVELTY EXPLAINER – Part I: What This Is

365 Ways to Say I Care
The Novelty Explainer – Part II: How Novelty Journaling Changes Us

Blog Author:

Zulekha ("Zuley") is a brilliant content writer who demonstrates empathy and compassion in storytelling.

Zulekha Ali (“Zuley”) is a freelance writer with a commitment to delivering informative and impactful content to enrich readers’ understanding and empower them to make informed decisions.

Blog Co-Author:

Susan Troyer, MS, BA, is author and curator of ABeautifulVoice.org.

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